Shouldn't I Feel Better?

Since I quit smoking (six days shy of four weeks), I’ve gotten terrible colds. I feel like complete garbage; Super sore throat, stuffy head so I can’t breathe that well, tight chest, body aches, slight fever etc. Where’s the justice I ask you? I’m learning, though, that people who quit smoking may suffer from crap ass colds initially, but, obviously, one of the benefits of quitting is fewer respiratory illnesses down the line. I guess I have to earn that little bonus. Or maybe it’s your body’s way of saying, “Remember this feeling? You’ll feel a million times worse if you get emphysema, lung cancer or pneumonia. You’re doing a good thing.” Who knows? Who cares at this point? I’m so happy not to be smoking and I’m so happy to find that it does get easier everyday. It really does. Now that I’ve said all of this, I must come clean that I had a cigarette on Saturday night. I was lucky in the fact that that one didn’t open up Pandora’s Box it came close as I asked to bum another one. Fortunately, fate stepped in and separated me from my supplier before I had it. Slips are not relapses, they’re slips. But, they shouldn’t be taken lightly. I’m totally thinking that that one cigarette may have exacerbated this cold; or maybe not. It really doesn’t matter as I entered this 4th week I realized how glad I was to not be smoking. I hadn’t had that feeling yet. I have to cherish the moments I have these positive realizations because I tend to hold on to the negative aspect of quitting, as I’m sure a ton of smokers do. I miss it at times; bars, Sunday traffic, anytime I’m super irritated, etc. I was talking to a friend on Saturday about this quitting and he said though his dad quit almost twenty years ago and is happy about all of that, he still misses cigarettes on occasion. I’ve no doubt that that is a pretty typical thing for an ex-smoker to go through. Hell, if smoking wasn’t bad for you, I may not have quit. What’s this “may” shit? I wouldn’t have. Withdrawals alone are too much to handle sometimes. And nobody told me about the crippling depression. I heard about crankiness, insomnia, poor concentration, anxiety, but not so much about depression and terrible colds. So, I and my blog are now shouting into cyberspace that terrible colds and terrible depression can be a side effect of quitting smoking. My dear Mars and I have had quite a time of it the past few weeks. We passionate and hypersensitive beings (which also happens to be a side effect of not smoking) have a very hard time during drug withdrawal periods. Logic and passion are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Passion is fiery, flailing and all consuming and rapturous, while logic is calm, cool, thoughtful and rational. Oh, and Passion is so much stronger initially that it takes a while (if ever) for logic to prevail. Plus passion is such a great sounding word. It sounds so good they named a fruit after it. Can you even imagine calling something logic fruit? So, I will press on with this quit and try, try, try to keep in mind that this drug that’s leaving my body is taking both a physical and mental toll on me and that it will get better.