Do NOT even THINK about burning them. EVER!

Request. Ladies of the comedy world, I implore you, no matter your size or your shape, please, please, please take care to wear proper undergarments when you are performing. By proper I mean one that fits well and provides a lot of support. You never know what is going to happen on the stage; running, jumping, dancing, etc. In your mind, you’re prepared for anything. Your breasts should be prepared for anything too. Many a show have I seen where there have been a woman (or women) with improper under attire on. By improper I mean unsupportive, ill-fitting and perhaps the wrong color. There is a Chicago improviser whom my husband and I call “Floppsie”. She’s hilarious, but what’s the FIRST thing that pops into our heads when we see her?

I saw a show last night where one woman in particular not only had a white shirt with a black bra, but the black bra was not up to task to handle the job, unless the job was to get her boobs as close to her belly button as possible. As an audience member it’s terribly distracting . Everyone notices and everyone looks. This takes away from the scene. It’s gross and unnecessary to be subject to the embarrassing results of what is simply an oversight on the part of the performer. Oh, and lady teammates, if one of your fellow female performers is lacking proper undergarment awareness, help her, unless she’s a bitch.

Along with wearing a proper bra or other such item, it is crucial that the female performer avoid wearing those spaghetti strapped, stretchy tanks with built in bras. Cute, sexy and practical off stage, but (aside from a mini skirt) one of the worst possible items of clothing you could wear on the stage. They offer very little support, offer up tremendous views of cleavage, and even if you’re not terribly well endowed, these little numbers offer NO protection from a sudden nipple outburst. I’ve seen a lot of shows and for the majority of female performers, this doesn’t seem to be an issue. That being the case, all the droopy, floppy, nipply, ladies stand out all the more. So please, fix yourself. Don’t make me give you a nickname.